I promised myself I would just write.  Not worry about the grammatical mistakes, the rabbit trail of thoughts I have, but just get what I’m thinking about out of my head and on to the screen.

It’s been almost two years since I finished homeschooling and even now, after all this time, i find there is a still this residual, disgusting feeling in my gut towards that word; and many others like curriculum, schedule, expectations, measuring up.

But there is this ONE word that keeps popping up in conversations I have: homeschoolers, empty-nesters, and probably all women have thought it, if not declared it over themselves. The word is FAILURE.

I have many friends who are wrapping up the last few years of educating their kiddos, and I’m watching as ships ‘appear’ to be sinking, mom’s hearts are aching and the enemy of their soul hovers, just giggling his head off.   At least this is how I’m seeing it from a distance.

And why?

Because these darling women of God, women who love Jesus and (dare I say) love their kids more or at least as much as him, have bitten the apple of  ‘How To Be a Successful Homeschooling Mom’  and are choking on the truth that their children aren’t measuring up to the magazine articles they read. They forgot they were raising little sinners that need to make a decision for Jesus on their own and that their ‘job’ of mothering them had nothing to do with books or activities, but rather focusing on life, eternal life flowing from God’s heart to mom’s heart to kiddos hearts.  And that even after eighteen years of pouring out their life and heart to their kids, that does not guarantee a stamp of God’s approval and kids who love Jesus…

So, is their hope?  Absolutely.

Before I go any further, I need to bring you up to speed. This post was never finished. This was another one of those posts that got started and then life happened.

Nonetheless, even after writing this five years ago, the stranglehold on moms still exists and here I am, back at teaching homeschoolers! But this time around, I am not writing from a place of pain and anguish over my own ‘failed’ homeschool experience because I’ve learned a few things since then.

I didn’t fail and neither did you. And if you are homeschooling now, you haven’t failed anyone. You have actually chosen the narrow path and down that path is freedom to make mistakes and watch God do what you can never do: Redeem.

You are not the Savior. If you’re not sure, take a look at your hands. Are there holes in your wrists? Are there nails in your feet? What about your side? Is there a large gouge? If not, then I can assure you, you haven’t failed…and YOU ARE NOT THE SAVIOR.

Since we stopped home educating our boys and they’ve moved out over seven years ago, I will confess that it’s easier to look back and see all the things I did wrong, as well as the ways I’ve loved them as they’ve matured.

Let me reiterate what I wrote above:

“They forgot they were raising little sinners that need to make a decision for Jesus on their own and that their ‘job’ of mothering them had nothing to do with books or activities, but rather focusing on life, eternal life flowing from God’s heart to mom’s heart to kiddos hearts.”

So, today, throw away the magazine cover. Shoot, throw away the entire magazine and the mindset that you have to cookie cutter your child into something that inevitably will backfire.  

There are no ‘five steps to a successful homeschool life’. It’s a daily ‘take up your cross and follow ME’ life, beginning with a whole heart and a committed soul to a relationship with the One who gave His life so you could have HIS.

Chase the heart of God and allow Him to permeate every part of your life. That’s a daily journey that will transform YOU and maybe, as happened to me with my older son, you’ll hear these words come out of their mouth: “Mom, WHO ARE YOU? You’re not the mom I told everyone you were.” Jesus changed me and I let Him teach me how to love my child for who they really are rather than who I thought they ‘needed or should’ be.

Learning to receive God’s love for me has and continues to free me to love others, forgive myself and take risks I never thought I’d take…like being a homeschool tutor all over again.

Until next time…