Edit…I began this post, honestly, March 8th, 2024, but never published it! Let’s try to wrap this post up and drop it.
…Still holds true today, August 9, 2025.
(2024) We all do it. We tell ourselves one thing, but deep down, we don’t mean it. Or we rationalize how we feel, or what we’ve done to smooth over what’s really going on inside.
We are not honest: with ourselves but really, not with God.
Yet, the insanity in all this is that He knows what we think…even before we think it.
“Lord, you have examined me
and know all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.
You know where I go and where I lie down.
You know everything I do.” Psalm 139:1-3
(I found this bottle in the woods at our last house and it was stuffed just like this!)
(August 9, 2025)
Life has this funny way of exposing us: our thoughts, whether we say them out loud or just fuss about it inside our head.
Just two days ago, I had a conversation in my head and with God about how a certain couple cheated us out of $95.
I was mad. Frustrated with myself for NOT counting the money they gave me after they bought the item. Angry with how the woman didn’t respond to my texts which included a picture of the cash she HAD given me and I felt like they had deceived and swindled us.
Jef and I had a long conversation about forgiveness and how, in his words, he knew I would take it to God and He would give me understanding and the ability to move on.
But I just COULD NOT SEEM to move forward. I forgave them but I was struggling to forgive myself, and felt stupid that I ‘hadn’t been more discerning.’ “You are too trusting, naive, and blah, blah, blah.” The mind can be an awful thing when one doesn’t take their thoughts prisoner!
Around three a.m., I woke up from a fitful sleep and initially thought it was the morning. I saw light through the window, but discovered it was only the moon shining brilliantly. I checked the clock and used the bathroom, laid back down and immediately remembered the incident. But instead of tossing and arguing with myself and the couple in my head, I prayed for them and then the Spirit of God began to speak so clearly. He reminded me that whether or not they deceived me, it WAS NOT ME they’d offended. This incident was NOT about them and me. This was between them and Him.
I thought they were the cutest family and from our conversation with them (they stayed at least twenty minutes talking) it appeared they had a great marriage, this blended family with six children and she was due to have their next baby in December, but the reality of the possibility that they did not know Jesus and were lost forever was enough to literally rewire my thoughts about them.
The hardest lesson in this entire situation was coming to grips with my own pride. Being honest with myself that I was more concerned with how this affected me as well as how I hadn’t even given ANY thought to how this affected their walk with the Creator of the Universe. This beautiful family was precious to Him and if they had indeed cheated us, they really had cheated Him.
It took quite a while to fall back asleep but when I did, I had a new outlook and was forgiven myself.
The next morning, I prayed again for them and wrote her once more, saying that perhaps she misunderstood the price and my concern was their integrity and not being honest. Within minutes she wrote back and said she was so sorry and was mortified with herself. Said she didn’t check her messages often and she did, indeed, know the price.
I gave her my Love’s Venmo and she immediately paid us the money. Now, whether it was an accident or not, it doesn’t matter. Each one of us had a lesson to learn and because I was honest with my own heart, I was able to respond to her in a kind way that was God honoring and she, in turn, responded kindly to me. I know it doesn’t always end like this, but what mattered was my heart because I am responsible to God for me.
All glory to God for His mercy, forgiveness and love to bring two people together and reveal their hearts.
Until next time…